Chapter 5: A Point in Time

          I had to stop for a while; and I have to catch up again. I stopped writing because of the shock of losing an old friend, Mr. Chok Yun Lin who was in a way responsible in changing part of my lifestyle and thinking; and honestly he was responsible for supporting my children entering university.

            Now three of my children graduated from their universities. One, a daughter Siti Juliana is a consultant civil engineer and her younger brother is a building surveyor. Another daughter Siti Suharijan whom I used to call Jeng graduated with Degree in Marketing and Diploma in Property Management and I hope she can be a valuer. At this point of time she is doing Master in Business Administration in UTM Skudai, Johor. She is the first to break my record with a 3.86 GPA. I could only manage a 3.50 CGPA while doing my first degree but I am a “Magnacum” graduate and used to be honored as one.

            But whatever, I am no where in comparison to all of my family members in intelligent. My loving wife Joyita is too brilliant to point out. She corrects my English all the way. Don is too quiet. Perhaps when I am not around he will take over and show his colors. The most brilliant as I calculated should be Edy Johariyz who touch and played with computer since age six. I hope to see the best of him. But Eddie Zulkarnain is the one I feared; for a very good reason. He spoke few words and he will eventually walk a long way. Perhaps one day he will get his doctorate, and I will pray for him as I always do for my other children and those of my blood. To be a scholar is far better than to be a leader. But life is so difficult to be laid on a path as often the path have so many cross roads, and at times I like to use calculations to know how much I will make or lost. Those were the decisions I made but having different outcomes, but anyway all turned out as a wonderful and colorful life, with no regrets from my part.

Chapter 4: Life Goes On

These were the times where my children entered secondary school and there after began their collage life. I got burned out and there I look for premature retirement. I thought of doing some gardening while my wife tried the tailoring business. I got called out by a logging company, with a very ambitious ‘taukey’.

At the end of the day the ‘taukey’ and his brothers get richer and become millionaires while I got broke and had to sell my house to prolong the reminder part of my life. It was a miscalculation on my part and almost fatal to my family. In searched of adventure, I got lost and see little of my growing up children. There was no balance and less consideration.

Now it begins again now and then, I guess this feature is part of my life. We used to study history so as to study past events and understood them. Then we could try to avoid from making similar mistakes. But we have little control of our life.

Working on timbers as the common saying goes, “has its price”. Some paid with their lives. It is like being cursed. My late ‘taukey’ eldest brother as the story said lost his life while logging in Tinkayu, and my late boss lost his too while chasing his dream for a bigger timber area and he passed away due to heart problems. With luck one got fast money but at the end of the day may lost all, like leaves of trees, falling when they aged or due to changing weather.

“Whatever, easy come, easy goes”, as people used to say. Nothing is easy any way, and life must go on, and we make whatever changes necessary.

            

Chapter 3: Beginning of a Career

I first joined the Sabah State Civil Service towards the end of 1976. Since then another bit of my career began. That was then the beginning of the Berjaya era. Berjaya party defeated USNO in a state election. I was then posted to the Ministry of Manpower and Environment Development as an Administrative Assistant. The permanent secretary was Mr. Mohd. Tahir Jaafar who later went around to head a number of departments and carried along the Datukship title. He should be the State Secretary, but I think he is not born to be one.

It was an ambitious vision for the state government during that time to set up such a state ministry. It was far too abstract and wide and at the end of the day The ministry out live its original functions. Both manpower and environmental are under the jurisdiction of the Federal government, and furthermore we had not the expertise to plan and carried out works. It was just like a paper tiger attempt or perhaps then a political propaganda, just like giving authority over to the then minster (Datuk Yap Pak Leong) with something better and challenging to do.

Looking from hind side, however, all is not lost. Agencies such as the Sabah Tourism Corporation and Sabah National Parks have established themselves a strong foothold and far more developed then their pioneer days. The Sabah state civil service is by nature an out dated bureaucracy. Since I was studying in ITM, and thereafter I read more of the subject while I pursued my first degree and then my masters. Honestly I am not an expert in this field; it is more related to management than financial analysis which is more relevant for me.

However, disregarding all feelings, I like to approach this subject with an open mind and on a contemporary basis. The bureaucracy is an organizational system of interrelated functions. In this context we always refer to a government system, because of its non-profit motive and all agencies whether statutory, proper or otherwise all interrelated with regards to funds, manpower and politics, responsibilities and styles or attitudes.

In laymen term, the bureaucracy makes up the government machinery. Over years the functions and manpower increases dramatically following new policies of the government turning the whole system into a jungle and more of confusions. Perhaps it is better to examine the structure, functions, management styles, resources, tools, manpower and their environment. These very basic elements determine the efficiencies of the bureaucracy.

The basic organization structure of the Sabah State civil service resembles that of the pyramid probably not due to the needs but much more of specialization. The danger is the unnecessary expansion let to the disappearance of responsibilities. This is shown by the hierarchy, in presumed posts the civil service is headed by the State Secretary and at the lowest rank the laborers. Similarly, ministers, departments and agencies if grouped together they formed a hierarchy resulting that of a pyramid. This feature is normally open to abuse since there is no clear line of demarcation of responsibilities and authorities because of the inter-related functions and because a person can hold more than one positions.

It is normal to look at the functions synonymous with responsibilities. The functions of ministries department and agencies are normally outlines and define by statues, but it is normal to find overlapping jurisdictions and this is where we find interrelated functions.

Management styles are absent and the neglected feature of the state civil service. This may be due to having superficial knowledge of the subject, untrained and could not careless attitude, and not to forget the urge to go higher by way of “Angkat dua kaki”. Since the colonial days, Malay dominates The feudal system and become colonial servants. This may be due to their loyalty or ‘kesetiaan’ but this feature no longer persists since the chase for material gains and higher positions rocks the road.

Throughout my many years in the civil service I find it difficult to search for officers who cleared their desks from files or pieces of papers with letter-heads. They keep piling them up, perhaps showing that they are overworked, I once came across a head of department whom I served under, who liked to equipped his office with unnecessary number of cabinets, and later on I found out that he used to staked and divide the files and hide them there. Some are fond of attending meetings, courses seminars and private dialogues. This habitual is a disease of inferior syndrome. ‘Decision Making’ is always vested on the post and delegated by statute and not on other body, and  not on to a committee as they tend to be time consuming.

My first assignment was to design a statutory body with regard to Sabah Tourism Promotion Corporation, way back in the late 1976. I choose the horizontal over the pyramid feature as I like more decentralization rather than centralization. At the upper level the person in charge was designated as general manager and without a ‘deputy’ as I never like a hierarchy built up. I believe at that point in time and still is that some form of competitions and trust should be practice and this is healthy. Having a deputy would tend to place the officer next in line a secure position and this I believe is not healthy. Because should the top person retired, or out of the way, then there is a little to worry as no second person is to take over by way of certainty. Unless as in the civil service his position is not confirm. I was latter assigned to a unit to temporarily take over the functions after the corporation was freezed.

Later in the late 1979, I was transferred to the District Office Sandakan as an Assistant District Officer and my boss was Datuk Hj. Hassan Alban Sandukung. The short time I spend there was enough to give we some experience of district life, and years later, as I joined back the civil service again, I made no attempt to go back to this life. Life in a big town especially in Kota Kinabalu allow me to move around with my family and I place important to the education of my children. Though life in Kota Kinabalu is far more expensive then any other towns; I find time to struggle with the small paycheck to meet ends meet. Life is hard so as to say.

The general orders ‘Perintah Am Negeri Sabah (1980)” is to my opinion, though a rigid or Draconian extract is far too out-dated. It contains too many loop holes among others and in humane. Its interpretations are made by those who hear nothing and see nothing. Say if one get involved in an accident (like me), the general orders make no provision to compensate and make no mentioning of sympathy. The relevant rules that cover promotions in The Sabah Civil Service is left to interpretations and to be determined by the ‘inner circle’, if one may not get into the promotions ladder. There is no compassion and going beyond will be trapped by the corrupt provisions, not to mention the provisions of the Anti Corruption Act. But many officers live beyond their means and many did not get prosecuted, but protected. One could always find ways to justify the means. So promotions were slow for me.

Being familiar with organizations and management styles I then was assigned to separate the Hydraulics section from the State Public Work Department (PWD). Basically the PWD was becoming a massive organization with wide control over development and fundings. Setting up a Water Departments is necessary to look after the operations and developments of water supplies. In the long run it will be a feasible business. Its creation had never been intended to be privatized either in part or as a whole, because its organization structure is more of contemporary in nature and of a modern business organization and much less of bureaucratic. Year’s letter, changes were made to strengthen the enforcement function, but I see the impact is minimal. There must be total commitments and the management style must change to incorporate this. More suitable is that, of theory of that is a business culture must be top down. The idea is if it cannot make money then do away with their function to absorb it.

For more than ten years in the Ministry of Infrastructure, I become more of a jack of all trades. I did write a number of speeches, project papers and cabinet papers. But that was that, my attitude was not that of a ‘yes man!’ Perhaps this way why I was never given much consideration for promotions while my juniors climb the rank like running the steps.

Being transferred to the Land and Survey Department was a blessing in disguised. I was more of the disciplinary officer than a planner. Discipline in the department is like cancer in our body. Corruption in all forms is highly practiced. Officers top down to the lowest rank own lands here and there because they are in authority. Some disregard the kampong people and played them out. The irony is few get prosecuted, because they are never reported, and if they are reported, they would be protected by and top management top down, supported and protected each other. I guessed other departments, are the same too, and only on a matter of degree.

But before that, two of my best undertakings while in the civil service made me one of the most feared strategists. One was handling the compensation for the taking over of Sabah Electricity Board by Tenaga National. The other was the creation of Jabatan Air Negeri Sabah. A friend, a good lawyer Juprin Wong used to point me as a brilliant strategist; perhaps he is too modest and hopefully honest. Me, I am no body though being called with so many names; the ‘long hair’, ‘Juragan’ and so on, and not a point.

            In Malay “saya hanya umpama sebesar hama di lautan samudera”. Nothing special, I just happen to be in the right place but at the wrong time. I wake and live by my own principal, whatever.

Chapter 2: The Past

My childhood was like that of any ordinary kid, except being an all rounder and lack of skill but I am a master of nothing and because of this I can be deceptive. Sometimes the knowledge’s and experiences, allowed me to speak in riddles confusing others, allowing me to laugh at them at the end of the day. Having little money and not being the favorite of the four children, I lived a hard life selling from cakes (goreng pisang etc.) and fish that we caught from the nearby sea. I once sold fish to the family of one Doreen Tai who used to live around the shell jetty and I found it shy, and very amusing.

I started schooling at the Holy Trinity in Tawau in 1961, then continue to St. John school in Tuaran, and then moved again to Sekolah Inggeris Kerajaan (Goverment English School) in Labuan in the year 1963; a year to remember since in that year North Borneo got away from being the British Colony, and later together with Sarawak Malaya and Singapore (later left) form what we now call Malaysia.

So I experienced the confrontation period, where Labuan become the base for Military of the Commonwealth Countries, especially the British because of its strategic position. Battleships and aircraft s of all sizes and made can be seen now and then and they remained here for a few years until the confrontation was finally over. Brunei Darussalam was also experiencing almost similar scenario, where the people headed by Azahri staged a rebellion against the Sultanate. So Labuan became a busy town with many Orang Putih, Gurkhas and others from the main land and West Malaysia.

The important lesson we could learned from this episode is the British should allowed giving self ruled, before giving independence to The East Malaysia States and Brunei. They should be prepared militarily, but in my opinion to be prepared militarily could waste funds and time constrained. So exposing these states to self-rule with educated and committed leaders is a better strategy in the quest for independent. This is to avoid economic exploitation as had been experienced by the many South African States.

The other point is in the preparation for self-rule, leaders should be taught and trained to manage the government and state, and not be greedy and just rip off the state resources for self interest. The basics premise of the East Malaysia States in forming what is now known as Malaysia is based on the findings of the Referendum of the ‘Co bold Commission’. Though I am skeptical of the methodology used, since it was done of a political undertaking and superficial. Nevertheless nothing could be changed now, and we and our descendants have to live with this, and learn.

In hindsight, Sabah, Sarawak together with Brunei Darussalam could go for independent under the same umbrella and thereafter together form a Nation since we have a lot in common. But in my opinion, there is little logic in this, since front leaders could have been misled. His Highness the Sultan of Brunei could never want to abdicate his executive power. The arrangement of autonomous is to enable the East Malaysian state to safe guard their own resources immigration and in forming Malaysia means, the East Malaysia States will eventually lost control, not only of their resources but other sectors as well.

I did not understand what independent meant in those days, but the name ‘Malaysia’ sound good enough. So coming back to my school time, they were fun, and to this day I hold many memories, and sometime when I came back for a visit to the island, and as I ambled along the old Cochrane road which is leading to my old school, I found myself in nostalgia. I could hardly find or come across my old school mates. Most of them being married and having family of their own and must be all over the places; some overseas and migrated, some still living in the island.

All of us should be in our fifties by now, and having lesser and lesser years left. We never had any reunion since the last farewell at the end of 1972, where we completed our Senior Cambridge school certificate then. It will not run out the spaces if I mention some of their names here, those I can hardly remember.

Top of the list are Omar Abdul Kadir who later graduated as an aircraft engineer and who used to compete with another class mate Lee Eng Lang (could have migrated). These two were excellent students, hardworking, and both as I recalled come from not well to do families. They were good and active in hiking, tracking and other out-door types.

Then come Anuar Nordin and Azahari Hj Ibrahim, also outstanding in their studies and playful. By contrasts I also have friends like Asri Osman, Solarso, the late Ajamain Bin Hamzani and also the late Rosli Awang Besar. Joining them another Rosli, Samsudin Wahid Daly, Yusof Madat Khan, Chua Boon Seng (who letter embraces Islam), Chua Hup Ho, and Chua Hap Hing, and Richard Liaw, and also Robert Lee. All are hard working students but because we were mostly ‘kaki bangku’ we did not excel in sports like our seniors. Anuar Mansor, Koh Chan Lee and his sister Koh Lian Hua, Chua Moi Eng, Chua Soi Soi, Jenny Lee, Aisah Sulaiman, Tan Siew Moi, are among others who joined the group. Poh Chang Sui and Chang Siew Nan later become part of the social club. Many passed away including Morsidi, and many others I could not traced.

Koh Chan Lee was an excellent boxer who collects a number of medals but now had been forgotten and had became a grandpa. But the famous one who grew up with me are those from the Reuterns family. The late Captain Francis Reuterns was the first foreign going sea captain from Labuan. He was my senior. They had a European ancestor and never that proud in character. Labuan did have a military man conferred with Pingat Gagah Berani (PGB) the highest military honor, but Colonel Kassim (my senior) passed away as a civilian.

As I see it, life in school had given us the opportunities to prepare us for the life ahead of us. Learning is always a two way process. The teacher must be respected and the students must be prepared to work hard to digest what is being taught, and to look for more knowledge as we need to work further up. I did not know how the others study, except I saw they place a lot of effort in practicing their math’s assignments and questions, and some rewrite their notes now and then and placed a lot of hours in what they did. They were good and ambitious.

Me, my style is simple, just understand the questions and practice answering them, and this was how I handled examinations. I just did not want to waste time by shooting here and there. Sometimes, I just simply wrote something meaningful to confuse for the sake of answering. There is no simple answer to a question; anyway so as to say, later on I found that no two analysts speak the same mind, just as no two economists, accountants or lawyers.

A school life was and always full of works and adventures. Time passed so quickly then, but I managed to get myself prepared to venture outside the island. There were not so many opportunities on the island and at that time, either joined the mariners or went into teaching and end up nowhere. So while my other colleagues spend their time doing what they now called ‘lepak’, me and a group of friends started to go outside the island by organizing trips to climb Mount Kinabalu and visited the towns on the main land such as Sipitang, Beaufort, Kota Kinabalu, Tuaran, Ranau, Sandakan, Tambunan, Keningau and as far as Bukit Garam.

One such trip we called the Trans Kina-kina Expedition headed by our senior teacher Mr. Chia Chin Kui. This took us almost thirty days to complete. There were twelve of us and the first group went earlier, and we meet the rest in Keningau. It was a well organized trip and good for memories.

Other than spending time on the roads and jungles, I did spend time joining and practicing the ‘Seni Silat’. My late master Buang bin Lani was quite well known and feared at that time. Spending about some ten years with him and the group was worth it as the training gave me the discipline to control my temper. But I was more fascinated by the graceful movements or the dance as they must be in tangent, with the beats of gongs of the Kulintangan, but when challenged the reflexes will counter and avoid any attack. I think one must like art or be sentimental to appreciate it. I like to listen to music but could not sing or dance as I feel awkward then.

It was one day during the last few years of my student days that three of us classmates met and spoke of our dreams. Both dreamt of becoming engineers and go overseas to further their education. I dreamed of going to go overseas but not for education. It scared me since I did not know what to expect and had no guidance at all from any body at that time. I was left to chart my own destiny.

I only saw those two friends during our last days of school. It had been more then thirty years now and I did not really know what happen to them let alone remember their names. But so are the rest of my other friends, it will be a rare occasion if I happen to meet anyone of them. Nevertheless efforts must be made, as time is not always there with us.

Now with the passing of time the school curriculum changes too. There are career guidance, counseling, institutions and ‘gurus’ who called themselves motivators. To me this co called ‘gurus’ or counselors are the roots of misguided students. Those who excelled are not due to these teachers or guidance but due to their hard working attitudes and discipline.

These so called motivators and counselors are a waste of time. At anytime we have rules and regulations and who ever broke them must be responsible and the remedy is whatever the rules and regulations prescribe as punishment. But changing time requires no physical punishments but other ways such as community works which are more beneficial and useful especially to discipline and school. The issue is the remedy what ever wrong is contravened.

Then came the time for me to leave the island and with little money I had from the savings while working here and there in the construction, quarry and paddy fields, the few ‘good-byes’ I give to my family were short. I took the opportunity to fly over to Kota Kinabalu when I was called for an interviewed for the post of pilot officer. While waiting and hunting for job, I squat with my late uncle. There I did manual chore including washing cars and gardening and whatever.

Luck was not with me, as I did not get the job, but all was not over. I was accepted into the newly setup Yayasan Sabah Institute Technology of Mara in 1973 to do a Diploma in Public Administration. The small sum of money I had was insufficient to cover registrations and other needs, but at least meals and lodging were free. With little money, a few pair of pants and shirts not much could be done but the spirit was there and high. Years after, I realized that was the time for my quest for knowledge.

Why did I joined the course, probably there was no other choice at that time, and maybe I was thinking of becoming a lawyer. Further more being the first generation of the family to enter college made me proud. Years later, even my children and other member of my bigger family enter the same or other varsities.

College life was so much different from school life. After the orientation, real learning began and as all the subjects were foreign, the challenged and the quest for the knowledge also began.

Here we meet new friends and after a few months with them I realized that each one of them had their own lifestyles as we all come from all walks of life. Day in and day out we meet each other, since the number of students were small. Some were from well to do families. Like me, I think all of these friends are in their fifties now and some have become ‘Datuk’. In my course, the original number was thirty eight but only fifteen manage to complete the course that was from Sabah. We latter on during our final year moved to our main campus in Shah Alam Selangor, there at that time around eight thousand students; except being a senior, we were just like ants in a colony. I have forgotten the names of some of these friends and our lecturers are no longer around in any of the now ITM campus. They must have retired or migrated. Some of those friends from Sabah are Mohd. Hanan Ramli, James Salium, Ahmad Sidek, Hamid Harun, the late Alfred Dungkhil and from Sarawak, Johnny Jalin Jarit, Nelson; and from West Malaysia, Ahmad Sayuti and Raja Nazri. There were many others that I could not remember their names.

Shah Alam was like a kampung at that time (mid 70’s). There was not even a town and we had to go to Klang for our shopping or to Kuala Lumpur. Now Shah Alam have developed to a big town, and I would easily lost my way around. Tan Sri Arshad Ayub must have a far sighted vision then, as otherwise, the university will not be the biggest now, and I think we have to pay tribute for his contributions. Today as I follow the news, graduates from the university have attained high positions in politics, business and other sectors.

I did not do quite well when I was in ITM at that time. I just manage the passing grade. This may be because I was not ready, wasted too much time hitch hiking, looking for money and had no idea of study techniques. My old way was the ordinary style, which is memorizing and always deductive.

Being a poor student, I hardly dressed, as I only had three pairs of trousers and T-shirts, and two pairs of shoes. I hardly had enough money, and I remember tricking my now only wife, walking with her with less than RM3.00 then and we were out on a date. Years later then she laugh when I told her the story. We walk because I just want to save the bus fares. The other factor which affects my study was because of my ‘Taiko’ way; I am not a leader as I am either too shy or too rebellious. In simple ‘Bahasa Melayu’, just ‘disegani’.

Anyway I was in high spirit then, always looking forward and never regrets. I would have drop out from ITM during my second year due to financial difficulty if not for the help of my eldest brother who top in some money for my pockets and so do my late uncles and aunties. The family was always supportive and my grand parents were just joyous and to this day I still find ways to repay them. I did make the grade to get my Diploma. Perhaps the cultural shock was hard enough and later on I learned to handle it.

The second phased of my college life began four years later. After packing all my bags and documents, off I went to Kuala Lumpur for my VISA, there I set off to Singapore en route to Los Angeles, Chicago and finally set foot in Fort Wayne, Indiana. My wife left for Kuching with my eldest child Zulkifly; Siti Juliana was yet to be born. Our belongings were left here and there in Kota Kinabalu and Labuan as we had little time to pack them. Little did we realize that when coming back to Sabah we had to start all over again.

On the way with me were some friends who went to the same collage with me. It was in Ohio International Airport, Chicago that we had the first taste of snow. It was not only cold but freezing. At the airport terminal we had the first taste of US coffee, different and very bitter, adding sugar made no different. I guest we were used to fried coffee beans rather than brewed and there was no sweet condensed milk but just cream. So much different from back home and I miss most of all our rice and this was the beginning. As we were on the flight to Fort Wayne Indiana, I saw below the ground was blanked with white staff and I ask my American neighbour “why was the ground white”, and he replied “its snow, man”. I realized then it was still winter time and I came not prepared “it must be freezing out there”, I said and he replied, “it isn’t so bad”.

  My friend with me during the flight was Phua Cheng Poh, a twenty year old who could not enter any hard joint nor smoke and Shahmuga Nathan a footballer about two years younger than me then. The rest I could not remember; it was quite long time ago.

Yes, I finally made it to the west after more than twenty-four hours flight. Honestly, I was wrong about the college days ahead, it seem a long way, and since I did not do quite well during my ITM days, I was uncertain and skeptical, but as usual my spirit was high despite the freezing days ahead.

As we arrived at the terminal, we were greeted by some Malaysian students who help to arrange for our transport to the collage. Straight to do our registration when we arrived at the collage Indiana Institute of Technology, and I was required to take an English Examination, (Michigan Test) since I did not take up TOEFL. That was not difficult and I joint the sophomore year since I used by diploma as an entrance requirement, but my transfer credits were not favorable. My roommate was Shahmuga Nathan and he helps me with all my luggage.

Snow looks beautiful, white and when temperature rises, snow melts and wet the ground and our shoes. My feet got sores and smelly making me shy to walk around. So, what so good about snow, it just remind me of winter and having set feet in western countries. So the next morning I began again life as a college student again. I was rusty, but I always see things day by day with patient.

Eventually I graduated with my Accounting degree leaving me with another challenge, to get my CPA. Being a calculative person, I choose to do my masters, The Master of Business Administration (MBA), beginning at Mc Neese State University in Lake Charles, Louisiana but finally graduated at Morehead State University Kentucky where my second son, Eddie Zulkarnain was born. Hopefully he could set feet at that small town and look for my name at that University. I miscalculated, being too homesick we headed for home leaving the CPA just a dream.

We get back via the Atlantic way, “wow”, walking around London in 1984. Years later I did come back to London again but as a Sabah Port Director. I travelled and covered a few European countries reaching as far as Helsinki, Finland. A trip good for memories; where are all those friends, well look at the pictures photographs telling few lies.

During my Secondary school days I never like figures, since I hate practicing and solving the problems. But while attending this college, I had little choice and there were mot many choices. So I began with taking accounting courses, together with philosophy courses and little did I realized I could graduate with an Accounting degree faster than graduating with a Business degree.

There were quite a number of International students in this college. I got quite a number of friends from Malaysia. The most notable are Sheik Mohamad, Othman (Seman), Sharudin (Keno), Helmi Suhaimi (late) Mir (Dato), Datu Rafee D. Maklin, Suhardy, Terence, Aminudin, Lim Ban Ching and and many more. Those from Indonesia were Mas Naully (from Acheh), Poer Wanto M D Harjo and Api Angkasa (a race car driver), to mention a few. George was from singapore. I had quite a few American friends, but it was so long ago, and I could not remember their names; and these friends most of them I do not know their whereabouts.

Fort Wayne, Indiana was quite a big city and the winter here was not only long, unpredictable but very severe with temperatures going down to negative teens (Fahrenheit) with a high wind child factor. Spring was quite colorful especially the yellow color of dandelions, but wet and the scent was refreshing. Years later as on my last climb on Mount Kinabalu , I noticed that dandelions grows very well on the slopes to Panar Labuan, some climbers from the West must have brought the spores through their shoes or garments or in their backpacks. Summer except for the extreme heat was always fun. But the fall was more colorful with changing colors of the trees. The days become longer and sometimes affected our fasting.

But wet, hot or snowing I always travelled all over and together with my family later covered almost half of the United States. We did bought a Camper to make our travels easier visiting Niagara falls and the Grand Canyon and other cities. Traveling was easier there but food was hard to get and maybe still is to Muslims as there are a few 'halal' outlet.

My classes normally go five days a week but at time extra classes were called on Saturday. So from morning till about 10 pm I would spend time in classes or the library and sometimes at the student centre.

While reading my Masters at Morehead State University in Kentucky I went through the same routine. But classes while during my masters were much more of mind challenge. Here in Morehead, the culture was slightly different because there were quite a number of Malaysian students and with their families. Some of the students were Alifah, Stanly Joibi, Louis, Dominic, Azlan, Terudin(later Dr. Terudin), Syed Jaafar, Ahmad Shah, Azlan and Hj Wan Ghazali Hj Muda who we used to called Young Ghazali. Both the Hari Raya were experienced like in Malaysia. We often slaughter cows or sheep to celebrate. We often bought our household supplies from Lexington or from Columbus in Ohio. Over here rice were cheaper and far better in quality than in Malaysia. Life was never boring here despite the hard work we have to put to get our master. Over here we were quite organized and we get together quite often.

I did not like most of the classes since more readings were required, and time was a factor, since I was almost burnt out. The convocations in both collages latter were much more if traditions compared to the one I attended of my daughter when she graduated from attending University Malaysia Sarawak with a degree in Civil Engineering followed by son and younger daughter. Now my daughter Siti Suharijan is doing the same Master degree I did more than twenty years ago. In all college, life and times were fun, except a coming back to Sabah I did have to continue and start life over again.

Chapter 1: The Island

     

I first arrived in Labuan in 1960, after visiting our relatives in Sipitang and Brunei Darussalam. Little did I know there after that in 1963 I came back not really to reside here but to be brought up here. I didn’t even know that some of my childhood friends are my cousins. Not that I was naïve but I didn’t give that point any thought and only when both my parents passed away did I knew, since they took the responsibility to look after and clear my parents graves.

The island was naturally and still is beautiful with not much developments at that time with or having less or no crime at all. The cost of living was very cheap in those days, with ten cents I could have ‘nasi lemak’ or fried noodles, and a glass of orange. With One Ringgit I can buy a Kati (600 grams) mud crabs, vegetables, sugar, salt, and even a pack of Maggie mee. Yes, that was in the sixties and at this point in time these things might have cost me twenty times more, such is the price of developments throughout the passing of time.

During the old days, Labuan town or Victoria town was formally consisted of a few rows of shop houses, a cinema (later two) and was a barter trade center because of its favorable position in The South China Sea, and it served as a trading town for people around the Brunei Bay and later on, traders from the South Philippines came. They came to trade here since it was a free port. It once served as a regional center for the British Colonial Administration. Most of the road at that time was having English names such as Callaghan Road, Cochrane Road but later as we got our independent, those road names were changed. There used to be quite a number of old buildings (remains of the war) but now maybe less, or more had disappeared or undergone changes as time pass by especially, like the government quarters and the Surrender Point at Layang-Layangan. The old chimney at Tanjong Kubong and the War Memorial for their soldiers who perished during the Second World War are among others still managed to survive but undergone a lot of changes parallel with the price of developments. A price where even my old school was not spared.

Price must have a numerical value and this I refer to it in monetary value or in our Ringgit currency. In other words, money in those days could purchased a lot of things, but right now even my school going child couldn’t hardly survive going to school with one Ringgit a day. One could always argue that we are being paid more than what we used to get in the old days, but numbers will tell the difference, and people used to relate this phenomenon with the level of our standard of living, a hypothetical propaganda. In my opinion the purchasing power of our Ringgit depreciates due to the deficit budget but however, distorted by the consumer index.

Labuan was mostly inhabited by ethnics such as Kedayan, Brunei’s and of course the Chinese (mostly Hokeins) who during the old days normally celebrated the fifteen day of the lunar year by parading their dancing gods (dewa). The Kedayan must had migrated here from the mainland Sabah, since quite many of them live around the Brunei bay, as in the Klias Peninsula and as far as Limbang and Brunei D.S. They used to be paddy growers or seasonal farmers, unlike the Bruneis who were more attached with the seas as fishermen or seamen and that is why they mostly reside in coastal and riverside estuaries. The Chinese were of course the local traders, farmers and contractors. There were not so many works on the island so we just dreamt whats beyond the horizon having in store for us to get away from the local traditions.

Our Malay language is simple to learn, and one can assume that everybody in the island speaks Malay language even though every ethnic have their own dialect. I guess the population of the island at that time was around thirty thousand only and having a very closed interaction. Inter-marriages among different ethnics are very common. So language is not a problem. It set aside the barrier for communications.

Schooling was not as bad as there were three secondary schools having classes up to Form 5 and thereafter, one have to leave the island to move further. Students from neighboring interior district normally continued their schooling here or else have to go to the state capital. Perhaps, being broke and the cost of living in Labuan is cheaper schooling here was preferred. Jobs were scarce on the island and it would not be the best place for me to settle down or a place to retire but the beautiful beaches and the memories always attract me now and then. But the seas surrounding the island always limit my movements and the seas were not always calm. Deep from inside my heart I had the urged for adventures and the island could offered me very little and staying behind would mean I should get a job after completing my Senior Cambridge, or be a fisherman and maybe could have get married, and perhaps could have been buried by then.

Prologue

Prologue

         

Going back in time, or looking back to more than five decades or more than half a century, is not something easy. Just as I open my eyes with faded visions, more than fifty years had passed by. I used to wonder why should I study history as a subject during my school days; other than the attractions of old folks stories, it is just like another bedtime story. Years later, while doing philosophical classes in college in the United States, only did I realized that history is more than just about civilizations or past events, but rather of the underlying principles which tend to influence our modern way of life. We have to be serious about history as past events tend to reoccur though at a varying degree as a matter of opinion. In writing these bits and pieces of my memories, the secondary purpose is an attempt to document my roots; of my ancestors, who originally hailed from the neighborhood state of Brunei Darussalam, and of course of my local maternal roots.

Our clan’s composition has over the years outgrown into a large community spreading all over the states of Malaysia and beyond. However, I stand to be qualified regarding the accuracy and superficial work I did with this part, since it sound more of folklore than that of factual findings and I tender my apologies should I offend others. Little did I realize that life is so fragile and in the passing of time many things will be forgotten and only imaginations and memories left.

Time passes so quickly as if it flies and there is nothing we can do about it, let alone, stop or slow it down, maybe for the purpose of slowing my own aging, I try to forget it. One thing good about time passing is that it shows the chronological manner of progress or developments and achievements which are synonym to many of us. Time specifically provides a space for my life.

It is not easy to start and write on what had happened during more than a half century ago. I have a few choises for my style, that is, either recall my experiences and my imaginations or just be pure blunt. Either way I just hope that my memories stay as ageing perhaps affects my state of mind one way or another with only as a matter of degree.

I am not a journalist; I did not write and keep notes now and then and perhaps this is one of my weaknesses. I tend to misplace or say lost what I partly wrote of my experiences for more than half a century; and whatever. This may not be pleasant to be read by many, but keep trying, you may find something useful.

Some people said, “Forget the past the future still holds the best for us”. My simple opinion is that the past is always relevant. For if you forget them, the mistakes that you made in the past will be repeated. This form the basic of my writing and contemporary is my style.