Chapter 2: The Past

My childhood was like that of any ordinary kid, except being an all rounder and lack of skill but I am a master of nothing and because of this I can be deceptive. Sometimes the knowledge’s and experiences, allowed me to speak in riddles confusing others, allowing me to laugh at them at the end of the day. Having little money and not being the favorite of the four children, I lived a hard life selling from cakes (goreng pisang etc.) and fish that we caught from the nearby sea. I once sold fish to the family of one Doreen Tai who used to live around the shell jetty and I found it shy, and very amusing.

I started schooling at the Holy Trinity in Tawau in 1961, then continue to St. John school in Tuaran, and then moved again to Sekolah Inggeris Kerajaan (Goverment English School) in Labuan in the year 1963; a year to remember since in that year North Borneo got away from being the British Colony, and later together with Sarawak Malaya and Singapore (later left) form what we now call Malaysia.

So I experienced the confrontation period, where Labuan become the base for Military of the Commonwealth Countries, especially the British because of its strategic position. Battleships and aircraft s of all sizes and made can be seen now and then and they remained here for a few years until the confrontation was finally over. Brunei Darussalam was also experiencing almost similar scenario, where the people headed by Azahri staged a rebellion against the Sultanate. So Labuan became a busy town with many Orang Putih, Gurkhas and others from the main land and West Malaysia.

The important lesson we could learned from this episode is the British should allowed giving self ruled, before giving independence to The East Malaysia States and Brunei. They should be prepared militarily, but in my opinion to be prepared militarily could waste funds and time constrained. So exposing these states to self-rule with educated and committed leaders is a better strategy in the quest for independent. This is to avoid economic exploitation as had been experienced by the many South African States.

The other point is in the preparation for self-rule, leaders should be taught and trained to manage the government and state, and not be greedy and just rip off the state resources for self interest. The basics premise of the East Malaysia States in forming what is now known as Malaysia is based on the findings of the Referendum of the ‘Co bold Commission’. Though I am skeptical of the methodology used, since it was done of a political undertaking and superficial. Nevertheless nothing could be changed now, and we and our descendants have to live with this, and learn.

In hindsight, Sabah, Sarawak together with Brunei Darussalam could go for independent under the same umbrella and thereafter together form a Nation since we have a lot in common. But in my opinion, there is little logic in this, since front leaders could have been misled. His Highness the Sultan of Brunei could never want to abdicate his executive power. The arrangement of autonomous is to enable the East Malaysian state to safe guard their own resources immigration and in forming Malaysia means, the East Malaysia States will eventually lost control, not only of their resources but other sectors as well.

I did not understand what independent meant in those days, but the name ‘Malaysia’ sound good enough. So coming back to my school time, they were fun, and to this day I hold many memories, and sometime when I came back for a visit to the island, and as I ambled along the old Cochrane road which is leading to my old school, I found myself in nostalgia. I could hardly find or come across my old school mates. Most of them being married and having family of their own and must be all over the places; some overseas and migrated, some still living in the island.

All of us should be in our fifties by now, and having lesser and lesser years left. We never had any reunion since the last farewell at the end of 1972, where we completed our Senior Cambridge school certificate then. It will not run out the spaces if I mention some of their names here, those I can hardly remember.

Top of the list are Omar Abdul Kadir who later graduated as an aircraft engineer and who used to compete with another class mate Lee Eng Lang (could have migrated). These two were excellent students, hardworking, and both as I recalled come from not well to do families. They were good and active in hiking, tracking and other out-door types.

Then come Anuar Nordin and Azahari Hj Ibrahim, also outstanding in their studies and playful. By contrasts I also have friends like Asri Osman, Solarso, the late Ajamain Bin Hamzani and also the late Rosli Awang Besar. Joining them another Rosli, Samsudin Wahid Daly, Yusof Madat Khan, Chua Boon Seng (who letter embraces Islam), Chua Hup Ho, and Chua Hap Hing, and Richard Liaw, and also Robert Lee. All are hard working students but because we were mostly ‘kaki bangku’ we did not excel in sports like our seniors. Anuar Mansor, Koh Chan Lee and his sister Koh Lian Hua, Chua Moi Eng, Chua Soi Soi, Jenny Lee, Aisah Sulaiman, Tan Siew Moi, are among others who joined the group. Poh Chang Sui and Chang Siew Nan later become part of the social club. Many passed away including Morsidi, and many others I could not traced.

Koh Chan Lee was an excellent boxer who collects a number of medals but now had been forgotten and had became a grandpa. But the famous one who grew up with me are those from the Reuterns family. The late Captain Francis Reuterns was the first foreign going sea captain from Labuan. He was my senior. They had a European ancestor and never that proud in character. Labuan did have a military man conferred with Pingat Gagah Berani (PGB) the highest military honor, but Colonel Kassim (my senior) passed away as a civilian.

As I see it, life in school had given us the opportunities to prepare us for the life ahead of us. Learning is always a two way process. The teacher must be respected and the students must be prepared to work hard to digest what is being taught, and to look for more knowledge as we need to work further up. I did not know how the others study, except I saw they place a lot of effort in practicing their math’s assignments and questions, and some rewrite their notes now and then and placed a lot of hours in what they did. They were good and ambitious.

Me, my style is simple, just understand the questions and practice answering them, and this was how I handled examinations. I just did not want to waste time by shooting here and there. Sometimes, I just simply wrote something meaningful to confuse for the sake of answering. There is no simple answer to a question; anyway so as to say, later on I found that no two analysts speak the same mind, just as no two economists, accountants or lawyers.

A school life was and always full of works and adventures. Time passed so quickly then, but I managed to get myself prepared to venture outside the island. There were not so many opportunities on the island and at that time, either joined the mariners or went into teaching and end up nowhere. So while my other colleagues spend their time doing what they now called ‘lepak’, me and a group of friends started to go outside the island by organizing trips to climb Mount Kinabalu and visited the towns on the main land such as Sipitang, Beaufort, Kota Kinabalu, Tuaran, Ranau, Sandakan, Tambunan, Keningau and as far as Bukit Garam.

One such trip we called the Trans Kina-kina Expedition headed by our senior teacher Mr. Chia Chin Kui. This took us almost thirty days to complete. There were twelve of us and the first group went earlier, and we meet the rest in Keningau. It was a well organized trip and good for memories.

Other than spending time on the roads and jungles, I did spend time joining and practicing the ‘Seni Silat’. My late master Buang bin Lani was quite well known and feared at that time. Spending about some ten years with him and the group was worth it as the training gave me the discipline to control my temper. But I was more fascinated by the graceful movements or the dance as they must be in tangent, with the beats of gongs of the Kulintangan, but when challenged the reflexes will counter and avoid any attack. I think one must like art or be sentimental to appreciate it. I like to listen to music but could not sing or dance as I feel awkward then.

It was one day during the last few years of my student days that three of us classmates met and spoke of our dreams. Both dreamt of becoming engineers and go overseas to further their education. I dreamed of going to go overseas but not for education. It scared me since I did not know what to expect and had no guidance at all from any body at that time. I was left to chart my own destiny.

I only saw those two friends during our last days of school. It had been more then thirty years now and I did not really know what happen to them let alone remember their names. But so are the rest of my other friends, it will be a rare occasion if I happen to meet anyone of them. Nevertheless efforts must be made, as time is not always there with us.

Now with the passing of time the school curriculum changes too. There are career guidance, counseling, institutions and ‘gurus’ who called themselves motivators. To me this co called ‘gurus’ or counselors are the roots of misguided students. Those who excelled are not due to these teachers or guidance but due to their hard working attitudes and discipline.

These so called motivators and counselors are a waste of time. At anytime we have rules and regulations and who ever broke them must be responsible and the remedy is whatever the rules and regulations prescribe as punishment. But changing time requires no physical punishments but other ways such as community works which are more beneficial and useful especially to discipline and school. The issue is the remedy what ever wrong is contravened.

Then came the time for me to leave the island and with little money I had from the savings while working here and there in the construction, quarry and paddy fields, the few ‘good-byes’ I give to my family were short. I took the opportunity to fly over to Kota Kinabalu when I was called for an interviewed for the post of pilot officer. While waiting and hunting for job, I squat with my late uncle. There I did manual chore including washing cars and gardening and whatever.

Luck was not with me, as I did not get the job, but all was not over. I was accepted into the newly setup Yayasan Sabah Institute Technology of Mara in 1973 to do a Diploma in Public Administration. The small sum of money I had was insufficient to cover registrations and other needs, but at least meals and lodging were free. With little money, a few pair of pants and shirts not much could be done but the spirit was there and high. Years after, I realized that was the time for my quest for knowledge.

Why did I joined the course, probably there was no other choice at that time, and maybe I was thinking of becoming a lawyer. Further more being the first generation of the family to enter college made me proud. Years later, even my children and other member of my bigger family enter the same or other varsities.

College life was so much different from school life. After the orientation, real learning began and as all the subjects were foreign, the challenged and the quest for the knowledge also began.

Here we meet new friends and after a few months with them I realized that each one of them had their own lifestyles as we all come from all walks of life. Day in and day out we meet each other, since the number of students were small. Some were from well to do families. Like me, I think all of these friends are in their fifties now and some have become ‘Datuk’. In my course, the original number was thirty eight but only fifteen manage to complete the course that was from Sabah. We latter on during our final year moved to our main campus in Shah Alam Selangor, there at that time around eight thousand students; except being a senior, we were just like ants in a colony. I have forgotten the names of some of these friends and our lecturers are no longer around in any of the now ITM campus. They must have retired or migrated. Some of those friends from Sabah are Mohd. Hanan Ramli, James Salium, Ahmad Sidek, Hamid Harun, the late Alfred Dungkhil and from Sarawak, Johnny Jalin Jarit, Nelson; and from West Malaysia, Ahmad Sayuti and Raja Nazri. There were many others that I could not remember their names.

Shah Alam was like a kampung at that time (mid 70’s). There was not even a town and we had to go to Klang for our shopping or to Kuala Lumpur. Now Shah Alam have developed to a big town, and I would easily lost my way around. Tan Sri Arshad Ayub must have a far sighted vision then, as otherwise, the university will not be the biggest now, and I think we have to pay tribute for his contributions. Today as I follow the news, graduates from the university have attained high positions in politics, business and other sectors.

I did not do quite well when I was in ITM at that time. I just manage the passing grade. This may be because I was not ready, wasted too much time hitch hiking, looking for money and had no idea of study techniques. My old way was the ordinary style, which is memorizing and always deductive.

Being a poor student, I hardly dressed, as I only had three pairs of trousers and T-shirts, and two pairs of shoes. I hardly had enough money, and I remember tricking my now only wife, walking with her with less than RM3.00 then and we were out on a date. Years later then she laugh when I told her the story. We walk because I just want to save the bus fares. The other factor which affects my study was because of my ‘Taiko’ way; I am not a leader as I am either too shy or too rebellious. In simple ‘Bahasa Melayu’, just ‘disegani’.

Anyway I was in high spirit then, always looking forward and never regrets. I would have drop out from ITM during my second year due to financial difficulty if not for the help of my eldest brother who top in some money for my pockets and so do my late uncles and aunties. The family was always supportive and my grand parents were just joyous and to this day I still find ways to repay them. I did make the grade to get my Diploma. Perhaps the cultural shock was hard enough and later on I learned to handle it.

The second phased of my college life began four years later. After packing all my bags and documents, off I went to Kuala Lumpur for my VISA, there I set off to Singapore en route to Los Angeles, Chicago and finally set foot in Fort Wayne, Indiana. My wife left for Kuching with my eldest child Zulkifly; Siti Juliana was yet to be born. Our belongings were left here and there in Kota Kinabalu and Labuan as we had little time to pack them. Little did we realize that when coming back to Sabah we had to start all over again.

On the way with me were some friends who went to the same collage with me. It was in Ohio International Airport, Chicago that we had the first taste of snow. It was not only cold but freezing. At the airport terminal we had the first taste of US coffee, different and very bitter, adding sugar made no different. I guest we were used to fried coffee beans rather than brewed and there was no sweet condensed milk but just cream. So much different from back home and I miss most of all our rice and this was the beginning. As we were on the flight to Fort Wayne Indiana, I saw below the ground was blanked with white staff and I ask my American neighbour “why was the ground white”, and he replied “its snow, man”. I realized then it was still winter time and I came not prepared “it must be freezing out there”, I said and he replied, “it isn’t so bad”.

  My friend with me during the flight was Phua Cheng Poh, a twenty year old who could not enter any hard joint nor smoke and Shahmuga Nathan a footballer about two years younger than me then. The rest I could not remember; it was quite long time ago.

Yes, I finally made it to the west after more than twenty-four hours flight. Honestly, I was wrong about the college days ahead, it seem a long way, and since I did not do quite well during my ITM days, I was uncertain and skeptical, but as usual my spirit was high despite the freezing days ahead.

As we arrived at the terminal, we were greeted by some Malaysian students who help to arrange for our transport to the collage. Straight to do our registration when we arrived at the collage Indiana Institute of Technology, and I was required to take an English Examination, (Michigan Test) since I did not take up TOEFL. That was not difficult and I joint the sophomore year since I used by diploma as an entrance requirement, but my transfer credits were not favorable. My roommate was Shahmuga Nathan and he helps me with all my luggage.

Snow looks beautiful, white and when temperature rises, snow melts and wet the ground and our shoes. My feet got sores and smelly making me shy to walk around. So, what so good about snow, it just remind me of winter and having set feet in western countries. So the next morning I began again life as a college student again. I was rusty, but I always see things day by day with patient.

Eventually I graduated with my Accounting degree leaving me with another challenge, to get my CPA. Being a calculative person, I choose to do my masters, The Master of Business Administration (MBA), beginning at Mc Neese State University in Lake Charles, Louisiana but finally graduated at Morehead State University Kentucky where my second son, Eddie Zulkarnain was born. Hopefully he could set feet at that small town and look for my name at that University. I miscalculated, being too homesick we headed for home leaving the CPA just a dream.

We get back via the Atlantic way, “wow”, walking around London in 1984. Years later I did come back to London again but as a Sabah Port Director. I travelled and covered a few European countries reaching as far as Helsinki, Finland. A trip good for memories; where are all those friends, well look at the pictures photographs telling few lies.

During my Secondary school days I never like figures, since I hate practicing and solving the problems. But while attending this college, I had little choice and there were mot many choices. So I began with taking accounting courses, together with philosophy courses and little did I realized I could graduate with an Accounting degree faster than graduating with a Business degree.

There were quite a number of International students in this college. I got quite a number of friends from Malaysia. The most notable are Sheik Mohamad, Othman (Seman), Sharudin (Keno), Helmi Suhaimi (late) Mir (Dato), Datu Rafee D. Maklin, Suhardy, Terence, Aminudin, Lim Ban Ching and and many more. Those from Indonesia were Mas Naully (from Acheh), Poer Wanto M D Harjo and Api Angkasa (a race car driver), to mention a few. George was from singapore. I had quite a few American friends, but it was so long ago, and I could not remember their names; and these friends most of them I do not know their whereabouts.

Fort Wayne, Indiana was quite a big city and the winter here was not only long, unpredictable but very severe with temperatures going down to negative teens (Fahrenheit) with a high wind child factor. Spring was quite colorful especially the yellow color of dandelions, but wet and the scent was refreshing. Years later as on my last climb on Mount Kinabalu , I noticed that dandelions grows very well on the slopes to Panar Labuan, some climbers from the West must have brought the spores through their shoes or garments or in their backpacks. Summer except for the extreme heat was always fun. But the fall was more colorful with changing colors of the trees. The days become longer and sometimes affected our fasting.

But wet, hot or snowing I always travelled all over and together with my family later covered almost half of the United States. We did bought a Camper to make our travels easier visiting Niagara falls and the Grand Canyon and other cities. Traveling was easier there but food was hard to get and maybe still is to Muslims as there are a few 'halal' outlet.

My classes normally go five days a week but at time extra classes were called on Saturday. So from morning till about 10 pm I would spend time in classes or the library and sometimes at the student centre.

While reading my Masters at Morehead State University in Kentucky I went through the same routine. But classes while during my masters were much more of mind challenge. Here in Morehead, the culture was slightly different because there were quite a number of Malaysian students and with their families. Some of the students were Alifah, Stanly Joibi, Louis, Dominic, Azlan, Terudin(later Dr. Terudin), Syed Jaafar, Ahmad Shah, Azlan and Hj Wan Ghazali Hj Muda who we used to called Young Ghazali. Both the Hari Raya were experienced like in Malaysia. We often slaughter cows or sheep to celebrate. We often bought our household supplies from Lexington or from Columbus in Ohio. Over here rice were cheaper and far better in quality than in Malaysia. Life was never boring here despite the hard work we have to put to get our master. Over here we were quite organized and we get together quite often.

I did not like most of the classes since more readings were required, and time was a factor, since I was almost burnt out. The convocations in both collages latter were much more if traditions compared to the one I attended of my daughter when she graduated from attending University Malaysia Sarawak with a degree in Civil Engineering followed by son and younger daughter. Now my daughter Siti Suharijan is doing the same Master degree I did more than twenty years ago. In all college, life and times were fun, except a coming back to Sabah I did have to continue and start life over again.